Today I thought she had been kidnapped. Like, seriously kidnapped, no joking. She disappeared. After looking through the entire house I decided she must have been outside, she wasn't in our driveway and she wasn't across the street looking for the scary cat with one eye that she loves. I went to all the neighbors in order of how fun their house is, we all know that's what she would be looking for. After coming up empty handed and checking the house top to bottom one more time I started to flip out, every terrible thing that could happen raced through my mind and I started to lose it. More of my neighbors saw me cry today then I would have liked. After sprinting to the nearby park and not finding her I got a call from Izzy letting me know that she found her and she was safe. I rushed home to find her covered with my make-up, literally from head to toe. Apparently she had been hiding in the house and didn't want to come out because she knew she was being naughty. It was about this time that I realized that this kid is going to send me to an early grave. I cannot handle the stress. Something has to give. I am open to any and all ideas. I've probably tried them but it's worth putting it out there.
Lucy is such a special little girl, with many unique talents. Sean and I always joke that she is going to grow up to be a noble peace prize winner or a European dictator; we hope she uses her powers for good. She has what some would call "street smarts", she is a crazy good climber, and I'm pretty sure her pain receptors are set up all wrong. She is fiercely independent and creative. She will do what she wants when and how she wants. She does not need to please, she couldn't care less what other people (i.e. her mother) want her to do. Her attention span is short as is her fuse. Warnings, threats, bribes, time-outs, all have minimal affects on her. She is super talkative and loves to explore her world. I'm not sure she has any concept of right or wrong, and if she does, she doesn't care. She is extremely loving and loves to cuddle.
I hate to say it but if she were an only child we probably wouldn't be in this mess. I would have more time to be with her one on one and maybe channel that energy of hers more efficiently, but she's not, she's one of three and that's what we have to deal with. It's not realistic that I sit with her every waking moment, it's not possible. I'm just not sure what to do to help make our lives more manageable. At this point I'm just kind of rambling but if anyone has any ideas for me, I am officially open to them.
14 comments:
Bekah, I don't really have any advice. I don't really know anything about raising children and when I have questions I call you. I do like to watch the super-nanny though and she's all about the time outs. I guess you've already tried that though. My only other thought is to try and channel her creativity into good things, things that she's okay to do, rather than just trying to keep her away from stuff. That's all I've got.
She sounds so much like my Britton. I've been at wits end with him over the last few months. I swear i'd never found anything that helped 'tame' him. He doesnt care what you say/do. Time outs mean nothing, & if I could even get him to stay in for a few minutes he was usually right back to what he was doing as soon as he's out. Out of total despiration I picked up the book 1-2-3 magic about 2 weeks ago & since starting to use their technique (modified a bit to work for us) B is a totally different child. Im not sure how long it will work for him but what I can say is I havent had a 5pm meltdown in almost 2 weeks. I dont feel like a horrible mom that has to spend half the day yelling to get his attention because he's chosen to ignore me. Meals are much calmer, bedtime isnt the total exhausting battle it used to be. Its really been wonderful with him! Now, we've tried it with Ashton & he doesnt quite get it yet - with his delays he's just not ready for it yet but we'll keep trying.
The next thing I want to try is the love & logic method. I have lots of friends that swear by it...i just happened to have tjis 1-2-3 magic book on hand, it was given to me by our ped when B turned 2 & again when Ashton turned 2. & the day I picked it up leaving the house was not an option & I was desprite...cant tell you how thankful I am to have had it on hand that day. I'd be happy to answer questions on it if you'd ike - ive actually loaned my copy to my neighbor who's in the same position. Oh & it was a quick read, I read it in an afternoon & startef implementing it that night!!
Ok so when I read your post I think oh my gosh Logan just did that or the next day Logan does the same thing I am not kidding...although he is not quit at the same level as your little one I think that’s just cause age difference. But with that said I have made some changes the last month And I have noticed a HUGE change. At first I just started with taking out Red dye but now I have tried to take out ALL dye. he still gets some but I have noticed a big change in him he even goes to bed for us now and will sleep for the most part for 10-12 hours a night which until a month ago that has NEVER happened. (Sorry this is long) At first I was like really how much can Dye change something but I am telling you something change and I was desperate to try ANYTHING! And I am glad I did. Another thing which could maybe touchy to say but I am going to say it anyway because you asked for all advice is a lot of what you describe could be related to a chemical or Neurological problem. Like Autism. When Jaime found out that her little boy had a mild case it made a huge difference b/c they were able to do things differently to help them deal with it. I am not saying that it’s Autism I am saying that with the whole No pain no fear ect. There might be more than just a high strong little girl. They could maybe do a brain scan and see if there is something going on. Have you thought about getting Doctors involved? Some will not want to even address anything but you are the one that lives with it and her only voice and neither you your family and her deserve to have to live life so stressed dealing with this situation. I hope this helps give you something to think about. Good Luck!! We love you Hang in there.
p.s. Maybe some therapy classes that will help her focus her energy
Oh Bekah. I so relate! Lucy has Arya beat, that's for sure, but I think some kids are sent to teach us "mom's who know everything" a lesson in knowing nothing. Arya is my one that is teaching me never to judge another parent! At the risk of sounding completely crunchy hippy (as if the running around barefoot hasn't clinched it yet), I've had a lot of success using some essential oils with Ary. Lavender to calm her, Frankincense and Balance blends to help her focus, cinnamon oil to stabilize her blood sugar (huge difference with that one). If you want to try some on her let me know and I'll give you some sample bottles- there aren't any side effects and if they are going to work, you'll know it pretty quickly. That said, I have to agree with the dye comments. You might try some things with her diet. I've seen major improvement in some kids behavior just from eliminating dyes, or wheat, or dairy (of course it depends on the child).
I'm fully convinced these "strong ones" we have are meant for huge things! We just have to survive raising them to their potential!!
Hey Bekah, this is Kira. I have no advice, my kids are still too little to get into too much trouble.
But I wanted to tell you that I think you are a fabulous mother. I would say pray a lot for direction. That is so scary that you thought she was lost, I can't imagine the fear you must have felt.
Have you read the book, "A Girl Named Zippy"? I loved it, it is about a girl that I bet Lucy will be a lot like. She is so fun and entertaining that a whole book was written about her childhood. Kind of off subject I know, but it might make you laugh, which is something we all need sometimes!
Haha, I am still signed in to my Families Supporting Adoption account, haha that is why it comes up as Centerville FSA. Sorry if that confused ya!
-Kira
I also want you to know that I think you are a fabulous mother! I think Lucy is lucky to have you, as are your other girls. The only advice I have is to try and be positive with her, for example, telling/showing her what TO do instead of what NOT to do and being consistent. It sounds like she is starting to have some concept of right vs wrong since she knew she had done something naughty. Maybe you could get her one of those Barbie head things so she has something to put make up on? I wish I had more experience with this so I had some better advice, but just know that you are loved (and so is Lucy) and I wish I could see you both more often.
Rebekah, So sorry to hear all about Lucy. I can relate 60% of whats happening. Lily's done some crazy stuff that has lead me and Mike to crazy-proof our house.
We have all knives in a high cabinet that I need a stool to reach. (She's stabbed me a twice!)And she's ran out the house so many times that I put a chain lock onto it. So far that's worked but when she reaches the lock I'll have to invest in an alarm. But those 2 things have really brought me some peace of mind. That if I lose her she's in the house somewhere.
For her curious mind- I try to lead Lily to an approved activities. Play-doh, coloring, finger painting with me right next to her, etc. but everything is only in 1 room.(our family room) All other doors in our house are closed and locked! It's helped her knowing that everything in the craft closet she can play with but only those things that are in there.
Lastly, pray! I know you know this but when those hair-pulling times come it's hard to remember. During conference I loved it when it was said that having an child that challenges you is a blessing. I must be SUPER BLESSED! But you are too. The fast you are patient and love her so much that you are asking for support. That shows how much of a wonderful mother you are.
oh, I don't really know what to add. Hard when every kid is different...
I am interested in trying the "no die" and "rubbing oils" here...
One thing that is a bit different than the things your other friends have suggested (and I agree with) is from an early childhood education class I took. Their big thing was to give directions in words ending with -ing. As in "walkING feet" rather than "DON'T RUN!" or "eatING" or "listenING." The idea was that you are being positive and proactive by giving the directions ALONGSIDE the kid AS things are happening. I know you can't be there all the time...but on the times you can, giving reminders with -ing really works. Sounds lame and too simple, but magically the kid seems to clue into what they should be doing/what the expectation is at that time.
I'm not much help...I hope you find the right instruction manual that fits for her. Or at least a strong survival kit to get through this extra tough phase!
That sounds so challenging! I wish I had some great advice for you, but the truth is that I find motherhood the hardest thing I've ever done too. Good luck!
Oh, bekah I think you are such a great mom! And your girls are the cutest, even if they can be difficult sometimes. My first thoughts were making dietary changes too. And i would definitely explore essential oils too. And also positive phrasing/directions and such.
I would also highly recommend the book simplicity parenting. It will give you some approaches to simplify the emotional/physical world of a child and in turn help to improve behavioral challenges, etc. definitely read this book! It's a natural, simple, less-is-more approach to parenting and I think everyone would benefit from applying the principles in this book! (I definitely think that as a society we all tend to be over scheduled and over stimulated! And I think we would all benefit from slowing down our lives). In fact, I think I'm going to reread the book, because I'm sure I can apply more of it now that pj s a little older.
Wow, thanks for putting this post up!
I can't say I relate to your situation entirely but our Lily is certainly an independent thinker too and frequently does things that I don't quite know how to handle.
So thanks for putting yourself out there to gather these tips for all of us! It's nice to read through comments and pull out useful hints for OUR daily experiences as well.
I don't really have anything to add, but I definately second much of what has been posted...most importantly that you are a great mom and do an admirable job at raising those sweet girls of yours! way to go!
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